Online sex therapy for couples and individuals
Don’t give up on great sex
You deserve to enjoy what you desire
(Even if “desire” feels like a foreign word right now)
Whether sex feels stressful, shameful, or just plain silent, it’s not too late. You can still experience the pleasure and intimacy of a healthy sex life.
When sex gets quiet, everything else gets loud
It’s time to stop avoiding the elephant in the bedroom
Maybe you Googled "sex therapist" at midnight, closed 12 tabs of random wellness blogs, and ended up here. Good! You're in the right place.
Seeking sex therapy doesn't mean you're broken, odd, or shameful. My work isn't about measuring you against some standard of "normal." (After seeing hundreds of clients over the past 20+ years, I know there’s no such thing as “normal.”)
What my work is about is helping you understand, and ask for, your own desires. Because satisfying sex requires wanting. Together, we’ll rebuild that capacity to want — and whatever else needs rebuilding.
Most of my clients fall into a predictable pattern
But I see the full spectrum of sexual cases — so if this doesn’t describe you, that’s not a dealbreaker
In most couples I work with, one partner wants more sex and the other wants less — often, though not always, split along familiar lines.
The more one partner reaches, the more the other pulls back. The more they pull back, the more the other reaches. It’s a dance that keeps going, until neither of you can remember what you actually want anymore.
There are valid reasons behind each of your steps in this dance. Once we understand them, the dance turns into sex that holds pleasure and connection for both of you.
Topics we can explore together
Desire discrepancy
One of you wants more. The other wants less.
We find out why — and what to do about it.
ADHD dynamics
One of you became the parent. The other became the child.
Let’s get you back to being partners.
Affair recovery
One of you was betrayed. The other is ashamed.
Both of you belong here, and both of you can heal.
Out-of-control sexual behavior
You started a pattern. Now you want it to stop.
We’ll invite the conversation, and leave shame at the door.
Sex therapy for women
Maybe you’ve been focused on them. Maybe it’s time to focus on you.
Let’s make sure your needs are met.
Sex therapy for men
Maybe your body stopped “working.” Maybe it stopped wanting things for yourself.
Either way, we’ll work through it.
Why it matters that I’m AASECT-certified
Most therapists talk around sex. I was trained to talk about it.
AASECT certification means specific, rigorous training in human sexuality. Not many therapists have it. I’ve held mine since 2018.
When your therapist is comfortable approaching exactly what's going on, you get to stop circling around the issue and start going right at it — in a way that feels equally comfortable for you.
The goal isn’t just better sex
(Though that’s certainly the hope!)
Clients who see me for online sex therapy typically see improvement in other areas of their lives and relationships: greater self-awareness, easier communication, more playful interactions (inside and outside the bedroom).
My intention is not simply to get you and your partner “back to normal.” It’s to get you to an even better place than where you started.
How online sex therapy with Jan Carey works
To be clear as water: this is talk therapy, nothing more.
Nobody's uncomfortable except in the normal, first-time-saying-this-out-loud way — which, for the record, wears off fast.
FAQs about online sex therapy
-
No. Let’s get that out of the way right now, because it’s something everyone’s afraid to ask. Sex therapy is talk therapy — no touching or undressing whatsoever. While I may give you ideas for techniques to try on your own, you won’t do them in front of me. (Please and thank you!)
-
I see both individuals and couples for sex therapy. Some clients start solo because they want to work on their own relationship with sex (or because their partner simply won’t join). Some couples start together and learn they need individual support as they go along. Some couples start and stay together the whole time.
If your intention is to be seen together, I require both partners to attend both your consultation call and your first session. That way, we avoid any secrets or power dynamics, and we create alignment from day one.
-
Most couples therapists talk around the topic of sex, not about it. But sex is central to most relationships — whether or not you’re actively having it. That’s why, in my practice, there’s a lot of overlap between online sex therapy and online couples therapy.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I have specific training in sexuality, so I know how to handle any sex-related issue you might bring. Depending on your concerns and comfort level, we’ll weave in conversations about sex as they come up, regardless of which type of session you initially reached out about.
-
I see couples and individuals across the full spectrum of identities, orientations, and relationship structures. You don’t have to explain or justify your relationship to me. I don’t judge. I just help.
-
As short as possible, as long as it takes. Most people feel hope within the first month and feel change a month or two later.
While I’ll never guarantee a cut-and-dry timeline, many of my clients find fulfillment within a year of starting sex therapy. Some return to me after several years for a “tune-up.” Whenever you need me, I’ll be here. (As long as I’m not painting, cooking, gardening, lifting, or traveling… gotta have that work/life balance, you know!)
Come as you are (pun intended)
The conversation is easier once you’re actually in it
Often, the hardest part of online sex therapy is just reaching out. After that, it's simply a conversation — one you get to have with someone who won't flinch about whatever you have to say. (Trust me, I’ve heard it all!)